‘My Husband Has No Time For Other Ladies’

‘My Husband Has No Time For Other Ladies’




The church has been known to be a place of worship, but who says love cannot be found in the house of worship? For David and Grace Ape, who marked their 16th marriage anniversary on April 3, 2015, love was made manifest in the House of God. They narrate their experience to SALIFU USMAN. Excerpt

When did the journey begin and where was the meeting point?

It all began 16 years ago and the Lord has been with us since then. It was a divine arrangement of God for us to meet. We met while I was working as an assistant information officer in Olamaboro Local Government’s Secretariat, Kogi State. Her father was a Rev. Pastor in our church. I attended the church and I always saw her in the church.



How did he propose to you?

Grace: Before he proposed to marry me, I always saw him in the church and the Local Government secretariat where he worked. The day he finally opened up, they were playing football match close to the Church premises where we lived and he was on his way to the football match. That faithful day I was ill, and as he was passing he saw me inside the Church premises where we stay. That was how he was able to open up and speak his mind.



Was there any opposition from any of your parents?

David: There was no opposition from any of our parents but there were other suitors who were coming. Apart from that there was no opposition from her parents or the lady herself, and that was what gave me the courage and boldness to continue to press on. There were other suitors that were coming, but I committed everything into hands of God and supported it with prayer before I was eventually accepted.



When did you become husband and wife?

We became husband and wife officially on 3rd April, 1999. That was when we did the Church wedding in Ogugu, Olamaboro Local government Area in Kogi State.



How has life been since then?

We thank God, because He has been faithful to us. As a human being, for you to get adjusted to your wife, you need the grace of God because both of us were from different backgrounds but we became adjusted to each other. Even children can sometime behave differently, but God accept us with all our differences. The most binding force that keeps us together is love. She loves me and I love her. We love each other and that love has been able to help us to down play our shortcomings for the past 16 years. So, love has been our binding force.



Madam, since you have been married, what things will you like to change in your husband’s character?

There is nothing I would like to change in his life because it is God that binds us together. He is a kind of man that is very open and doesn’t hide things. He is loving and caring.

Though, no one is perfect and we are from different backgrounds like he said, but we are flowing together very well. If I am wrong in one way or the other, he corrects me. Likewise if he is wrong, I correct him and there will be no argument. So, I thank God for our lives.

There is nothing to complain about him because there are some women out there that will say they regret marrying their husband. In my own case there is nothing like that and I give God the glory.



Do you sometimes have the feeling that he cheats on you?

I don’t have any fear of being cheated because I know the kind of man he is. He is a born-again Christian and also because of the nature of his job, he wouldn’t have time to do anything stupid.

Sometimes he travels for one or two weeks and I am used to it. Before now I stayed alone in Lagos with the kids, while he was in Abuja. But because I knew the kind of man he is and I trust him, I didn’t care or have any fear in mind. Even when some ladies, one way or the other, want to try him, he tells me everything about them. He is not somebody that hides things. I know because he is a born-again Christian, he will not do anything that is dirty in the eyes of God. Sometimes he does not even have any chance to eat due to the nature of his job, not to talk of having time for girls.



How many kids do you have and do you intend to have more?

By the grace of God we have five lovely children and we intend to stop there.



Does he still take you out for fun?

It is now that it is even growing. The love is growing stronger. Sometimes I am even the one complaining that the love is too much. But he will insist that we should enjoy ourselves. His show of love has no limit. I am a worker also and the distance to my working place is very far and every day I am on the road. So, there was a statement he made some time ago that I should resign my work so that I can comfortably take care of the children and have free time for myself and the family. It was like saying I have suffered enough for him and because the stress is too much, it is time for me to enjoy. Not all men will say such a thing to their wives. Instead, they will even ask for more from the wife.

He doesn’t care to ask me where my salary is, and whenever I tell him that I have collected my salary, he just says I should keep it. Instead of asking for my salary, he would rather give me more and make sure that everybody in the family is satisfied. Some men, because their wife is working, will leave everything for the wife to do, but he is not that kind of person. From indication, his love for me keeps growing stronger every day.



Why do you think many couples are finding it difficult to maintain their relationship?

One of the problems is communication. Husband and wife are supposed to be communicating whether they are at home or anywhere. They are supposed to know one another and talk to themselves. They tell each other their fears and things about themselves. Let the two of them communicate with one another and show love to one another. If there is love, hardly will you see break up in the marriage. If there is love, you will share ideas and problems together. Once you bring all these I have mentioned into your life and your marriage, you will not have any problem in maintaining your relationship. But if you allow external interference, either from wife’s brother or sister, to teach her on how to deal with her husband or the husband’s brothers or sisters telling him how to handle his wife, there would be problems in that family.

Also if you have bad friends telling you how to treat your husband or as a man you begin to get advice from your friends, saying you have to deal with your wife like this or don’t allow her to do this or that, not knowing that human beings are different, problems will come.



Madam, what is your advice for the ladies who are outside there searching for Mr Right. What should they be looking out for in searching for the right man?

My sisters who are outside there looking for who to marry, I advise them not to rush into any marriage. They shouldn’t go into marriage because of wealth. Some ladies are just looking for a rich man or where they can go to make money even though right inside them they don’t love the person. When you marry a man because he has money, the money can go and there would be no love. Any home that is not built on love will not stand.

Some wives, instead of limiting their needs to what their husband has, will be putting more pressure on the man and probably their friends who they want to emulate, married their husbands because of money. The moment they discover that the money is no longer there, they will quit the marriage. But you want to destroy your marriage because of them.

I advise everybody who wants to marry, because I have passed the road before, to marry the person you love.

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